I Just Spent 40 Minutes Consoling a Unicorn

Well that is not entirely correct because my five year old, who was so excited to put on her costume for Purim and has talked about nothing else for weeks, woke up this morning in tears refusing to put on her unicorn costume.  Today is the day where her school is celebrating Purim.  Purim is a Jewish holiday where we celebrate the ‘backwardsness’ of the world.  It is the day where the underdog wins and therefore we celebrate by mixing everything up.

Children come to school in costume, there is a special carnival, we walk around with noisemakers (as if a classroom with twenty children isn’t noisy on its own), the children eat ridiculous amounts of unhealthy food, the list goes on.  To many, this is a really fun and exciting day but to a small--sometimes hidden minority, days like this are the worst days of the year.

Children thrive on routine.  From a young age we know that the best nighttime sleep comes from a fixed schedule.  Bath, brush teeth, book, song, lights out.  For many first time parents this ritual is so sacred it carries an almost superstitious air.  If one of those steps is missed, one piece isn’t just right, they are doomed to a night of crying and consoling.  So fast-forward five years and zoom in on this same child.  He is now expected to be excited about a day where everything is backwards?  Everything he knows will now be changed, and he is supposed to enjoy this? How can we help children who crave this routine to succeed on a day like Purim?

Step 1: Preview.  For children who crave routine, it is key to preview what the day will be like.  What pieces of their routine will be switched, and what will remain the same?  Will they still be under the watchful eye of their teachers or will they be having a substitute?  Will they be with their classmates, or is it going to be a different grouping of children for the day? 

Step 2: Know your students.  As we plan for changes in a school schedule, we must think about what will really enhance the students’ experience.  Does it really add to the celebration if we switch classrooms or cubbies for the day?  At what age is this fun, and when is it just confusing?  How loud is it going to be, how many children are going to be in the same room?  Have some noise canceling headphones on hand for kids to wear if they are so inclined.  Put yourself in their shoes as you plan and be mindful of every child.

Step 3: Think of ‘opt out’ options.  In the same vein as planning the classroom celebrations with your students in mind, think about alternative plans for the students who can’t participate fully.  What would make this day special for children who need to be in a quiet, more controlled environment? Let the children know a ‘back up plan’ and a ‘check in spot’ that they can always go to when they need a break. 

On a day like Purim it is easy for us to get caught up in the fun.  As an adult, the break in routine is welcomed and refreshing, but as with everything else in school we need to think about the children in front of us and how these days will affect every last one of them. 

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Well obviously someone can make this up because they did, but I definitely can’t make it up.  I was browsing the internet (as I so often do) and low and behold this image popped up on my screen.  I couldn’t help but laugh out loud (and email the picture to many of my friends—something I also do often) but then I got to thinking.  Someone is making a business on this.  Someone is selling parents a cover for the swing at the playground and alongside it a healthy helping of fear.  This product is meant to assuage the fear in parents of the notoriously dangerous playground swing.

Parents are so worried about protecting their children that they would purchase an absurd product like a swing protector.   We know parents love their children and want what is best for them, but doesn’t this seem extreme?   It might begin with the swing—or actually the sister product The Shopping Cart Cover—but it quickly turns into ‘that horrible influence on my child’ or ‘the terrible teacher who didn’t push him.’  There are so many horrors out there I can’t even tell you.  As we sit down with parents for parent teacher conferences we need to keep this ‘playground fear’ on our shoulder.

Some teachers think of parent teacher conferences as a time to showcase the growth of their students with the adult partners who love them so dearly.  Others of us teachers dread these conferences, what unexpected horror is going to befall me this year?  Which parents are going to leave thinking I am a horrible teacher?  But we often forget to think about the parents.

Every parent brings something to the table during those conferences.  Kids are about as personal as it gets.  Every critique you have about a child is taken straight to the heart.  Every improvement that is needed is one thing that a parent did ‘wrong.’  Parents see themselves in their children and you have the raw data and the professional opinion that can make or break their life’s work. 

As you sit down in those tiny chairs (come on people, go get the big chairs that are in storage…) remember these vulnerable parents sitting with you.  There is no formula that will guarantee a successful conference, but I believe that taking the perspective of every parent who walks in your room will certainly be a strong start.  Not every parent is there to judge your teaching or your classroom or your grading scale. Every parent, however, loves his child to the point where he would do anything to protect her from the dangers of the world.  Show these parents that you are indeed partners working together to help their child and allow them to resist putting up a barrier—a ridiculous swing cover if you will—between you and their most prized possession.

Happy Conferencing!